So, you’ve met a really great guy, you’ve been on a date (or maybe several), but it turns out he just wants you as a friend. This can be a very demoralizing position to be in, and it can really dent your self esteem and make you wonder where you went wrong. Chances are it’s nothing you did or didn’t do, however – sometimes these things are just not to be. So what do you do when a guy just wants to be friends after dating but you want more? You read through this article for tips and ideas, that’s what!
What You'll Learn Today
4 Reasons Why He May Be Saying That
1. Fear of commitment
Some men (and women, for that matter!) can ignore their true feeling of deepening attraction and affection, because they are so scared of getting into a committed relationship. Sadly, there is not a lot you can do about this type of person – you can’t force them to be with you, not least because the first thing that goes wrong they will just shout “I told you so!” and scuttle away.
If he really is truly “the one” and you think that things could progress further between you, then it is worth sitting down and having a good honest conversation about how he feels and where you can go together. It may be that you are the one who makes him realize commitment isn’t such a bad thing after all!
2. Letting you down gently
Some people have a hard time with saying no to people (while others may say they love you even though they don’t), and rejecting someone who is perfectly nice, and they feel it has to be tempered with something like “let’s be friends”.
Ok, let’s be blunt – he may have no intention of being friends with you OR having a relationship with you. This is one of the things people sometimes say in order to “soften the blow” of a romantic rejection. If this is the case in your situation then you’ll just have to shrug your shoulders and get on with it!
3. Fear of ruining a friendship
If you have been friends with someone for a long time, and it has progressed a little further into dating, the guy could genuinely be realizing that your friendship is more important to him than a potential relationship.
Friendships, in a lot of cases, have a better shelf life than relationships, so your guy friend could be being completely honest and saying that he values your friendship over spending time romantically with you. If this is the case then it may be worth listening to his reasoning! A good friendship is not worth ruining over a few romantic evenings.
4. Hiding his feelings
If a guy has gone on successful dates with you, you’ve both had a great time but it hasn’t ended up going anywhere, you may find that it is because your date is actually hiding bigger feelings.
If this is his first relationship, or he has been hurt in the past, he may be wary about starting something new and potentially emotional, so he’s basically just running away from his feelings. You will either need to talk about this, or content yourself with always being his “one that got away”.
4 Suggestions What To Do About It
1. Accept the situation
You cannot force love. Many have tried, and all have failed! If someone says they just want to be friends and that’s all there is to it, there is really nothing you can do about it. Gather up your dignity and walk away with your head held high. And who knows – you might just end up with a really good friend out of it!
2. Move on
There’s a bit of a crude phrase that goes “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new”.
While we are, of course, not advocating this, it’s certainly true that moving on and finding someone else to spend your time with – even if only for a date or two – is a great way to forget about the unsuccessful one, and to give your self esteem a bit of a boost. Just remember to be honest about your feelings and your situation, and make sure everyone knows where they stand.
3. Talk it through
If the announcement that you should “just be friends” has come out of nowhere after a few very successful dates, then it’s definitely worth sitting down with the guy for a friendly drink and talking everything through.
You may find that he has hidden issues that you can work on together in the future; you may just hear him admit that he’s afraid of commitment – or it be just be as he says, and he’d rather be friends. Whatever happens, it’s good to have an honest discussion.
4. DON’T beat yourself up
Although it is a blow to both pride and confidence to be told that you are not girlfriend or boyfriend material, you should never blame yourself. Unless you did something truly terrible like run over his mother in a stolen car, chances are his reasons for not wanting to date you are nothing negative to do with you. You are beautiful, datable, and you have a great personality – and you WILL find your one and only.
It can be incredibly demoralizing to hear a guy say he just wants to be friends, especially if you have built up hopes as the date or dates have gone on. Chances are you are feeling the same, and you can part ways with no animosity – but there can be more to it than that, and it’s always worth those honest – if terrifying – conversations to make sure everyone is on the same path.