If you have a male friend with whom you have a platonic relationship, you would be forgiven for thinking that he would be fine with you dating other guys, and maybe even talking to him about it or asking for advice. Sadly, this is not always the case! Why do guys get jealous when you’re not dating them?
This is a question that is often asked, and the answers can be a little bit complicated. Let’s have a look into the reasons behind it – and what you can do about it.
What You'll Learn Today
4 Reasons Why That May Be Happening
1. Unrequited feelings
It may surprise you, especially if it is an old friend who you consider to be a part of the furniture, but sometimes people get jealous because they actually have hidden feelings for you. These feelings may or may not be obvious, even to themselves, but it may explain why your male bestie is less than ecstatic to hear about your latest date.
The best thing to do in this situation is to talk about what’s going on; you may not be able to return his feelings, but you can at least understand them and work out where your relationship goes when you both know what’s going on.
Have you ever heard of the “dog in the manger” story? This applies to a guy who doesn’t want you for himself, but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either. Maybe he is not able to emotionally handle a relationship with a friend that might change if said friend moves away, or gets married and has children.
In this case, you probably need to have a stern talking to your friend, and let them know that you will always be their friend no matter what, but that the possessive behavior needs to stop. Jealousy can drive a wedge between even the best of friends, so it needs to be sorted to make sure that a relationship can continue.
Insecurity is a big struggle, and one that the vast majority of us face in one way or another. You may find that your friend is jealous of your relationships because they themselves don’t feel like they’re good enough for such things, and seeing you get happy with someone else reminds them that they are not in this position. They may feel lonely and sad, and lash out with jealousy because they are not able to express how they are truly feeling.
4. You’re the fall back
Ok, you won’t like this one. Sometimes, if a guy gets jealous of you dating it’s because he has you down in his mind as the one he will eventually end up with, once he’s finished his own dating dance, or, even worse, you are the one who always sees as being there to pick up the pieces once his own relationships.
You don’t have to put up with this! If this is the reason for the jealousy and you feel no desire to have a romantic relationship with him, feel free to get on your high horse and call out this behavior.
4 Things To Do About It
1. Time to talk
With anything to do with the world of love, it is very important to be completely open and honest at all times. With your friend who is acting jealous of you dating, as well as the one you are actually dating!
Sit your friend down (at a time when you are not actually with your new date) and try to delve into the reasons why they are feeling and acting the way they are, then work out together the best way to move forwards. Talking honestly and openly is the best way to work out any relationship.
2. Time for boundaries
If a guy you are not dating is jealous of your new loves, or your dating history, you need to lay down the law about what is, and is not acceptable in a friendship. You would have no problems setting a female friend who was jealous of your new date straight, so don’t hold back if your jealous friend is a guy!
Although it may be a scary thing to think about doing, everyone will know where they stand which will ultimately make everything much more comfortable in the long run.
3. Time to reassess
You may be head over heels, and overtaken by the butterflies in your stomach with your new date – this is great, but it can mean that it is hard to see the wood for the trees. If your male friend who is not usually jealous is suddenly acting “off” about your new date, it may well be worth trying to see your crush through your friend’s eyes.
Is he really all he’s saying he is? Ask your friend the reasons for his feelings; you may just save yourself a broken heart somewhere in the future.
4. Time to quit?
If you have a male friend whose jealousy is really getting in the way of your dating, then, sad as it is, it may be time to say goodbye. A true friend will want to see you be happy, regardless of their own feelings, and if your jealous male friends or acquaintances are making it hard for you to get on in the dating world, then it may well be time to put both of you out of your misery and end the friendship.
Having a friend who is jealous of your dating can be a tricky position to be in – you feel like you’re a bit torn between your friend and your date, and you don’t know what to do to improve the situation. Keep an open mind, be kind, and keep all lines of communication open, and you should be able to solve the problem to everyone’s satisfaction.