We all want to hear those magical “three little words”, right? Well yes… But to hear them from someone you are not seeing, or from someone you have only been meeting up with casually, can be a little startling! If you have been blind sided by this recently, you may be feeling daunted and out of your depth – but don’t panic, I’m here to help you navigate these turbulent waters. What to do when a guy says he loves you but you are not dating? Read on for my best advice.
What You'll Learn Today
5 Reasons Why He May Say He Loves You
Often, a declaration of love when people aren’t actually dating can be the signs of a crush, or an infatuation, rather than actual true love. Try to find out what the man actually means – it may be that he means “I love you as a friend” but this has been misinterpreted.
If he’s blushing and stammering and going down one knee, this is much easier to understand! This is one of the many circumstances where it is very important to talk things through, and get to the bottom of what is being said versus what is actually meant.
That feeling of butterflies, excitement and instant infatuation for a person can be confusing, and can easily be mistaken for true love. If someone declares love when you are not dating then they may just be blown away by having met someone as awesome and wonderful as you!
The giddy feelings of instant attraction can lead to rash decisions such as moving in together or proposing – or declaring undying love without thinking it through first – so it is wise to check what’s actually going on.
3. Does he really know you?
This is not in any way meant disparagingly. But often, when someone declares love when there has been none of the normal romantic occurrences – such as dating and getting to know someone – it may be that he is only looking at you through rose-tinted glasses.
Seeing only your good points and not your bad is great, and means you can float around being worshiped like a goddess – but it means he is not seeing you as a whole person, and this is not sustainable for a long term relationship, and will only leave both parties disappointed in the end.
There may be times when a male friend, or even someone you’ve just met, declares love for you when you are not dating them, because they don’t want you to date anyone else.
This is a sneaky, underhand technique designed to throw you off balance, and it can be used as a last ditch effort to get you to not date someone they feel is not suitable for you for whatever reason; whether it be the fact that they want you for themselves or they simply can’t bear the thought of you being happy without their company.
If the guy who has shown you his heart is a youngster, or one who has not had many relationships, this may be another reason for his declaration. Young people, male and female, often plunge head first into “love”, and whether or not it is the real thing, it can certainly feel like it!
Relationships can be tricky to navigate, and he may have watched too many Disney films as a child, and believes that saying “I love you” will instantly win him the princess.
4 Things To Do When This Happens
1. Take it slow
If a guy has said this to you and you find it suddenly awakens stirrings that might mean that you can reciprocate his feelings, be aware that this can be caused by the feeling of flattery you get when someone tells you they love you. Don’t leap in there for the long haul straight away; these things take time and patience.
And you should also bear in mind that if he has declared undying love without even a hint of dating, then he might be after something other than a long term relationship. Just keep your wits about you.
2. Be kind
If someone has been holding their feelings in for years and years, and has decided to suddenly declare passionate love out of nowhere, it is important to remember that it takes a lot of guts to tell someone your true feelings. Be as kind and gentle as possible, especially if this person does not stand a chance with you. There is never any need to be mean, but always a need to be kind.
3. Make yourself clear
A declaration of love is very flattering, and it may be tempting to lead them along for a bit to see what might happen. However, if this person doesn’t stand a chance with you in the long term and they have said that they love you, it is extremely cruel and hurtful to play with those emotions.
Make sure you make your own feelings as clear as possible – it may be disappointing for them, but it will be much better for them in the long run.
4. Be a little cautious
Because of all the reasons above, you may find that it is not the fairy-tale ending you are looking for, when someone says I love you. Don’t get swept up in the excitement and flattery; and don’t let how you really feel get forgotten about just because you’re happy that someone said that they love you. It’s easily done!
If you hear those three little words but they come from an unexpected quarter, it can be tricky to know what to do. Honesty is absolutely key in this scenario, to avoid anyone’s feelings getting or any friendships lost. Tread carefully and be as honest as you can possibly be, and you and yours should all walk away unscathed.