Yelling is a hard thing to stop, especially if you or your significant other go from 0-screaming in three seconds.
Yelling is not productive, it doesn’t get your point across, and most of the time it can intimidate or anger a partner – plus, it’s not great for your stress levels or blood pressure either!
Once you know how to stop yelling, you can put a stop to this destructive practice, whether it is you or your partner who is doing the yelling.
How To Stop Yelling In A Relationship?
Yelling is never fun, whether it’s you doing it or someone else. There are a good few things you can start to practice and implement, to stop this harmful habit:
- Remember who you are talking to. They are your partner, right? The one you love above all others. Sometimes it can be easy to forget this in mid fight!
- Communicate. Yelling often happens when misunderstandings arise, so make sure you are talking about your issues at a time when you are both calm and relaxed.
- Work on self awareness. If it is you doing the yelling, try to work out your triggers and what causes you to blow up, so you can avoid the situation in the future.
- Explain how you feel. If your partner is yelling at you, they need to know how their behavior makes you feel. It may be that they think it is normal and just don’t know how intimidating it can be.
- Encourage time out. Often people yell in the moment, then regret it afterwards. If you can enforce a “Take 5 minutes” rule, you may find that the yelling magically goes away.
- Consider professional help. Whether it is you or your partner who is the yeller, if it is completely out of control and nothing helps, anger management support may be the way forward.
Is Yelling In A Relationship Normal?
As we all know, sometimes you just can’t help yourself – frustration builds up to a point that you or your partner explode like a volcano.
Yelling, occasionally or at times of great stress, is completely normal and shouldn’t be a serious problem – as long as apologies are made and things talked about calmly afterwards.
However, if yelling is a daily occurrence, or if it involves cruel or belittling language, this is NOT ok.
Yelling at your partner on the daily can make them miserable, afraid and unwilling to talk to you about anything for fear of the fireworks.
Being yelled at every day can completely wear away your self esteem and make you feel like you are walking on eggshells around your partner.
Discussing conflict, understandably, can sometimes bring up anger and frustrations – and it is normal to feel this way.
It is NOT normal to yell at your partner, or be yelled at, on a regular basis. If this is happening then it is time to seek professional help.
How Do You Stop Yourself From Yelling At Someone?
If you are a reactionary sort of person, and you find you go straight to yelling before any sort of talking, there are a few things you can do if you want to change this:
- Give yourself a time out. Taking 5 minutes to calm yourself and have a good deep breathing session before reentering the conversation is a great way to prevent yelling.
- Remember who you are yelling at. You love your partner, right? You don’t want to make someone you love feel uncomfortable, so try to remind yourself of this.
- Talk about your emotions. If you can express calmly that you are feeling angry, the person you are arguing with might be able to help you deal with this.
- Make sure you are looking after you. You may have a hair trigger because you are not getting enough sleep, for example, or not getting enough time for you. Keep your cup filled!
- Connect with your partner. Instead of diving straight into yelling, take some time to talk honestly with your partner, to ensure that these situations do not arise.
- Practice mindfulness. This gentle technique can be applied to any areas of life, and it can really help you become more connected, calmer and better able to deal with stressful situations.
- Consider anger management. If you cannot control your yelling then it may be time to look into some professional help.
Is Yelling A Form Of Emotional Abuse?
Yelling, on an occasional basis, is perfectly normal and natural. Having one of “those” fights with your partner is understandable and expected – but at what point does yelling descend into emotional abuse?
- If the yelling is constant – ie not just every once in a blue moon – then it can be considered emotional abuse.
- Yelling at you over tiny little things, like whose turn it is to put the bins out, is unacceptable behavior and should be called out.
- If you avoid certain behaviors or conversations because you’re afraid of being yelled at, you should definitely consider that you are being abused.
- When yelling involves cruel, intimidation or belittling language, you can be sure that you are being emotionally abused.
- If you feel such contempt for your partner that you need to yell at them for every little thing, you may be being emotionally abusive.
- Abuse doesn’t have to be physical. If you are worried that you are being abused in your relationship, you should seek help immediately.
Yelling in a relationship is never fun, let’s face it. If it is you doing the yelling you will be feeling guilt and anger, and if it is your partner doing the yelling than you will feel intimidated and even scared.
Our best tips on how to stop yelling in a relationship can give you the tools you need to move forward, and keep your relationship and your mental state as healthy as they can be.