There are a huge amount of different sexual preferences and different ways of being in a relationship, and especially these days it is becoming more and more acceptable to be able to talk about them.
If you have been wondering “can you be in a relationship and be asexual?” the answer is certainly a yes – in fact, if you are in the right relationship, you can be anything you want!
Can You Be In A Relationship And Be Asexual?
In short, yes you can. Just because someone is asexual, doesn’t mean they have no interest in love, relationships or long term commitment.
Many people who are asexual still enjoy going on dates, and can fall in love and have strong, committed relationships.
The only thing that is different from any other type of relationship is that someone who is asexual does not have feelings of sexual attraction or desire.
Many people have a misconception that without physical intimacy, the relationship is somehow less or lacking…
However, someone who is asexual is perfectly happy without the physical act of love, and can enjoy the rest of the relationship without.
In fact, many relationships lose the amount or frequency of sex as time goes on, and people are generally happy enough with this – so why on earth should it be different for asexual people?
How To Explain Asexuality To A Partner?
If you are asexual and you have gone on a few dates with someone, you may be feeling the pressure to explain your preferences before things go any further.
Well, that’s exactly what you should be doing – relationships should be based on trust, honesty and openness, so make sure your chosen partner knows from the outset.
It’s actually a super easy conversation to have, although you may be feeling nervous about having it initially.
Start off by saying that you want to be open and honest before anything goes any further, and simply explain that you are asexual.
This can make some people feel defensive, and they might feel that there is something wrong with them that means you don’t want to sleep with them, so it pays to be sensitive.
Explain that asexuality means not having any feelings of physical attraction, and that “It’s not you, it’s me!”
How To Be In A Relationship With Someone Who’s Asexual?
If you have met someone that you feel strongly about who has told you that they are asexual, you may be left feeling a little confused, and maybe even hurt.
However, the thing to focus on is your feelings for that person, not just whether or not they want to sleep with you (hint: if they’re asexual then they definitely don’t!)
You can absolutely still have a relationship; it may not be the same as relationships that you have had in the past, but it can still be loving, fulfilling and make both of you happy.
- Keep an open mind. Remember that you do not need to have sex in order to have a strong, solid relationship – you may have to find other ways of being intimate with your partner.
- Realise it’s not about you. An asexual person doesn’t just not want to sleep with YOU, they genuinely don’t want to sleep with ANYONE.
- Communicate. This is just about the most important thing that you can do in any relationship, and it is this which can help you get through your issues together.
How Do You Tell Your Partner You Think You’re Asexual?
As with every single issue in a relationship, the most important thing is to communicate with your partner.
If you are already in a relationship and you have been intimate in the past, your partner may struggle to understand why things are different.
The thing to remember is that we are all changing and growing and evolving, all the time, and that this is a normal part of life.
It’s fine to start out a relationship one way, then end up feeling differently – as long as you talk to your partner about it.
If you are sure that you are asexual, ie not attracted physically to anyone, then you should definitely make sure your partner knows it is not them that is the issue.
If you are in a loving relationship, your partner should try to understand you, be open and communicative about their needs, and help you through what you are going through.
You may have a partner than just cannot accept a celibate life, and that’s fine – just make it clear what your own boundaries are.
If you need to split up, that’s ok too. It’s a sad thing, but it happens to a great many people, and it is very unlikely that you – or they – will die of a broken heart.
If you realise you are asexual before getting into a committed relationship, it is important that you explain it to your partner so that everyone knows where they stand.
Here is a short video that explains different ways of having conversations about asexuality with a partner:
What Does An Asexual Relationship Look Like?
This question is hard to answer – we may as well ask what does ANY relationship look like? They are as different and individual as we ourselves are!
To massively generalize, asexual relationships tend to focus more on romantic and emotional intimacy, in the absence of physical intimacy.
This being said, there are many asexuals who can still enjoy sex, despite not feeling the sexual attraction themselves.
As with all relationships, levels of physical and emotional intimacy differ in an asexual relationship.
Many people still enjoy kissing and cuddling, despite not wanting to “go all the way,” and there should still be good levels of communication with the partner.
Here is a good article which explains in more detail what an asexual relationship can look like.
Final Words
No matter who you are, you can have a wonderful relationship with someone, no matter what your sexual preferences – as long as you are fully open and honest with your partner.
Whether your relationship is “traditional” or whether you make your own rules, we all deserve to be happy.
