How often should you text a guy that you just started dating? Doing it too much can ruin things and send him running for the hills. Underdoing it can mean not giving the spark a chance to grow into something that lights up your life. What’s a girl to do?
Striking a balance is common enough advice to be cliche, but it holds true. There is no hard or fast rule that works like a magical cookie cutter for all dating relationships, but you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. Use the following guidelines to find your way!
Give Him A Day
Frustrating as it might be, most men simply don’t process their emotions or thinking as fast as the ladies. Give him time to get through at least part of his next day before he decides if he wants another date or not. Before texting, you might have needed to wait X hours or even days, but things move faster now. Still, let him have the first 24 hours or so.
Touch Base At Some Point
Maybe you believe the guy should reach out first after a date, and in many cases, that might be wise. Certainly, give him some room. However, if you really like him and want to date him again, don’t be afraid to seize the initiative and text him after you’ve waited long enough. Women who do that might turn off some men, but it’s better you find out sooner rather than later, right?
Follow Phone Call Rules
Don’t just think about how many hours/days should pass before you text a guy you’re dating. Also, consider his schedule. Don’t text him at six in the morning unless it’s an emergency. Even if you know he’s up at 2 am playing video games with buddies online, think twice about interrupting his guy time.
Pace Yourself Between Dates
Excessive pre-date texting might snuff any spark you developed on your first date. Be yourself, but hold back something for a second, third, or fourth date. Stick to just text conversations based on making plans to go out again.
Keep Things Balanced
One issue with texting too much is that you might wind up in a place where the two of you have a physical chemistry typical for a couple who did one date but you’ve actually shared enough information to be on a second- or even third-date level in terms of what you’ve revealed about yourself.
Make The Texts Count
You want to text him to keep things going, but you know you can’t overdo it. Make each message matter. Don’t just text something open-ended like, hey, do you want to hang out this weekend? Think back to a previous date. Did you all discuss a particular restaurant or kind of food? Make a specific suggestion and include a possible day and time. That makes a response and another date far more likely when he doesn’t have to plan all the details.
Know When To Pick Up The Pace
If you two make it past two or three dates, then something is happening. Maybe not marriage and the baby carriage, but you’ve got a good thing going. With every passing date, the amount of time you should wait to text him after a previous date goes down. He’s clearly interested.
Help Him Pick The Places
Some men fall for a woman but don’t really know how to keep picking different yet great spots for upcoming dates. Never tell him flat out to ‘take me to so-and-so’, but do you use your personal preferences or just things you want to try as conversation pointers. If he’s smart enough to fall for you, he’ll be smart enough to figure out the help.
Text More Than Once A Day
Texting is a long-term conversation, but that doesn’t mean each reply needs to be like playing chess by snail mail. When the times are right, fire off responses appropriately:
- Morning: There might be time for brief interactions before both of your days get started, but these rapid-fire texting bursts won’t last long.
- Mid-Morning: Errands, work, whatever…you both have things to do, and texting will slow down, possibly with hours passing between responses. Let him do his life; he’ll find time for you.
- Mid-Day: If you both have similar lunch hours, there might be 20 minutes of good chatting at some point. It might even become a highlight of your day and a clutch point of your early relationship.
- Afternoon: Based on how busy either or both you are, things can slow down like it does mid-morning. Then again, if it’s the afternoon of a date night, some texts might be needed to pin down details. A little flirting might be okay, but don’t set sky-high standards for the night. Let the date take care of itself.
- Evenings: Don’t text if it’s a date night, unless your relationship is just weird like that. If so, roll with it, the rules no longer apply to you. If it’s not a date night, there might be some conversation here, but don’t overdo it. Let the dates stay the center point of things.
Don’t Overthink It
How often should you text a guy that you just started dating? As you see, it depends, but at least now you know some rules to go by. The biggest rule might be to avoid overthinking it. Chances are, he isn’t. Do things right, and he’ll be thinking about you specifically all the time, not just about texting you.
If He Stops Responding…
Always give someone 24 hours to get back to you after a text. If he hasn’t, send him something trivial, like how you’re headed out shopping and looking forward to it. No response to something like that might indicate that he’s just not that into you, even if he hasn’t figured it out yet.
At some point, it’s okay to just ask if he wants another date. If he doesn’t, let it go and don’t take it personally. The planet has billions of other men. 🙂 Here’s my guide about getting him to commit to dating exclusively if you have a bit more time to read about relationship advice.