We all look around our relationships sometimes, and wonder if they are as healthy as they can be. You may be in a volatile relationship, or you and your partner may have never had a fight.
Does fighting in a relationship make it stronger? Well, the only ones who will really know that is you and your partner – but let’s have a look at the ins and outs of it all.
Does Fighting In A Relationship Make It Stronger?
Although most of us aren’t keen on conflict, there is evidence to suggest that an argument or two in a healthy relationship can be very beneficial.
You know that feeling when you are carrying around pent up emotions or resentments that niggle away at you? Having an argument can help to clear the air.
Arguments in a relationship can really help you to understand yourself better, and what it is that you want out of a relationship.
For example, do you find yourself having the same niggles of irritation over and over? This is a sign that there is something deeper going on that you probably need to address.
Although it is less than fun, having an argument in a relationship can lead to a deeper understanding between you as a couple.
If your partner doesn’t know that you really hate them practicing the drums at 2am, how will they know to stop?
We’re not saying that every relationship should be like a soap opera, but the odd argument to clear the air and get all of your issues into the open can be really beneficial.
Conflict can be a motivator for change and positive action – even though you may not enjoy it, it may help to further your relationship.
Is It Healthy To Fight In A Relationship?
Although we all love the idea of a perfect relationship where we never fight with our partner, this is actually very uncommon.
There is bound to something that annoys either you or your partner, and things that you will have to discuss, in order to further your relationship.
You don’t have to shout and scream and throw pots and pans, but you do have to be honest about your feelings – and this can sometimes cause problems.
It is perfectly healthy to have disagreements in a relationship, and perfectly fine to argue once in a while – it’s when it becomes an everyday occurrence that you should start to be concerned.
There are a lot of things you can do to help your relationship to be a little less volatile (unless you and your partner enjoy this, in which case carry on as you are!)
You can set aside a specific time each week to air your grievances, or to sit down and have a deep and meaningful conversation.
It’s often easier to write a letter to your partner saying the things that you want to say – often things can be taken more easily in written form than the spoken (or shouted) word.
If you are concerned that your fighting is getting out of hand, you can always contact a professional couple’s therapist, to help you get to the bottom of things.
Here is a good article which explains the ins and outs of healthy conflict in relationships.
Do Couples Get Closer After A Fight?
We’ve all been there, right – we have an argument, everything feels horrible – but then you actually work through the issues, and things feel so much nicer.
If you are honest with your partner, and you can both sit down and work out your disagreements in an adult, rational way, it can go a long way towards deepening the relationship.
We often feel closer to our partners after we have had a fight – this is a fact of life! It’s partly because of relief that the argument has ended, and also partly do to with feeling closer to them.
When your partner listens to your concerns, and manages to agree to do things differently – or at least listens and validates you – it can make you feel closer to them.
How Long Should A Fight Last In A Relationship?
It is very hard to determine what works for another couple, but as a general rule of thumb you shouldn’t be having fights that go on for weeks.
If you learn about productive, healthy ways to deal with your disagreements, you should be able to finish a fight in an hour.
You probably want to avoid those fights that go on for days or even weeks, and the type where one or both parties stop talking. This is not a healthy way to argue!
This being said, some couple’s therapists recommend a “cooling off” period, where the couple effectively breaks up for 3 days, to give them time to sort out their thoughts.
Some couples fight every day and this is the norm for them – this is ok. We all do relationships differently.
Others find that they fight more when they are apart, because they use eye contact and physical touch to de-escalate the conflict.
Can One Fight Ruin A Relationship?
This is a big question, and the answer to it depends entirely on what the fight was about.
If you have been fighting about the same thing for years, and it finally gets too much, that one fight can be the straw that breaks the camels back.
If the fight is about something that is an absolute deal breaker, this can also sound the death knell for a relationship.
If, however, it is your first ever fight and you’re just not used to it, don’t panic! One fight does not mean that you have to break up with your partner.
Always make sure that you maintain your levels of communication, and try to avoid saying things you don’t mean “in the heat of the moment” – this can often make things much worse.
This video shows you some good ways to repair your relationship after a fight:
Final Words
However your relationship looks, as long as you and your partner are happy, everything should be hunky dory.
However, if you are concerned that you are fighting too much, or the conflicts just don’t seem to be resolving, it may be time to reach out for professional support.
