OK, so I know we all second-guess and doubt ourselves sometimes – but when this spills over into your love life and starts to affect you or your partner, this can be a problem.
The question of how to get rid of insecurities in a relationship can seem unanswerable – but there are actually a good few things you can do about it.
How To Get Rid Of Insecurities In A Relationship
A small amount of insecurity in a relationship is completely normal. It’s ok to sometimes feel worried or anxious about yourself or your partner, we all do it!
However, it is not comfortable and you are probably wishing you could do something about it. Here are a few tips:
- Retrain your thoughts. Instead of voicing the fact that you are insecure, start telling yourself that you are not. Words of affirmation are very powerful!
- Try not to overthink. Yes, this is a tricky one – but simply thinking about something else when you’re in a worry cycle can be a great way to get rid of those worries.
- Question your worries. Is it in any way likely that your partner is doing half the things you are worried about? If not, try not to give those negative thoughts any power.
- Communicate with your partner. No one wants their loved one to feel sad and insecure, so talking to your partner can encourage them to give you the support you need.
- Get therapy. If your insecurities are affecting your relationship to the point that it is in trouble, consider getting professional input to help you get over your worries.
This article, written by a counsellor, explains some ways to get past insecurities in relationships.
Why Am I So Insecure In My Relationship?
There are a lot of reasons why people end up feeling insecure in relationships – most of the time, it is not someone’s ingrained personality that causes it.
Bad past relationships are just about the biggest cause of relationship insecurity. After all, it’s happened before so why should this time be any different?
Low self esteem can be a big trigger for relationship insecurities; people with low self esteem can often feel like they don’t deserve love, and they need far more reassurance from a partner.
Social anxiety is another big factor which can affect relationships, particularly if one partner is outgoing and gregarious and the other is more introverted.
You know yourself better than anyone, so you should be able to know if your insecurity is because of something your partner is actually doing, or if it is something that is intrinsic in you.
Do Insecurities Ruin Relationships?
Being insecure in your relationship, or having a partner who is insecure, can go a fair way towards damaging a relationship.
In the beginning, it can be cute if a partner needs lots of reassurance – it makes us feel loved and special!
However, if the insecurities go on for a long time or start to interfere with everyday life, this can make the relationship start to feel like hard work.
No one wants to have their motives and movements monitored or questioned, all day every day – this can make the relationship feel exhausting, and can make people feel resentful.
If the insecure person is never able to fully deal with their issues, it can make the partner feel as though they will never be trusted, no matter what they do.
An excessive amount of insecurity can ruin a relationship, especially if there is never any let-up.
How Does An Insecure Person Act In A Relationship?
There are a good few telltale signs that someone is insecure in a relationship. Check out whether you or your partner do any of the following things:
- Checking constantly for reassurance and compliments from the other person, and getting upset if these are not forthcoming.
- Resenting friends or family members that spend time with the other person, and feeling as though you are not as good as them.
- Always checking on the other person’s whereabouts, and not believing where they say they are.
- Worrying about being cheated on when you’re not around, even if there is no evidence to support this.
- Constantly worrying about whether your partner might leave you, even if things seem absolutely fine.
An insecure person won’t necessarily ruin a relationship because of how they feel, but they will need a lot more TLC than someone who isn’t insecure.
If the insecurities are drastically affecting your relationship, there is no shame in drafting in a professional to help you work through your problems.
How Do I Stop Being Insecure In Love?
Sadly, insecurity can be a pretty hard habit to break. How to stop being insecure in love is a fairly big question with quite a lot of answers!
But, don’t give up hope – if you are insecure in love, there are definitely things you can do to improve the situation for you and your partner.
Try to remember that your insecurities come from the past, not the present, and try to take them out of your current relationship.
Avoid dwelling on bad things that have happened to you in love in the past – this will just make you worry about the present and the future more.
Stop asking for reassurance. Although it helps in the moment, constantly seeking validation can lead to ongoing feelings of insecurity.
Stop worrying about the future of the relationship. It sounds a little Buddhist-y, but if we focus on the present instead of the past or the future, we will live far more mindfully.
If you simply cannot get rid of your worries and insecurities, a professional therapist can do wonders to help your mental state.
This useful video shows you a few ways to get away from the insecurities you feel in your relationship:
Final Words
It’s completely normal to feel a little insecure at times, in any area of life – and relationships are one of the most common areas for this to occur.
Hopefully reading through the above will help you to feel more secure in your relationships – you can thank us later!
